Social Graces

Sounds rather snobbish doesn't it - social graces. I am not discussing which fork to use with the salad or the proper placement of the water glass. Well, maybe I should say good manners - does that sound better. I haven't looked it up, but to me social graces or good manners is the self respect one has for themselves reflected in their actions and words. Every word out of your mouth, every action taken, every piece of clothing you put on, reflects the way you look at yourself and the way you want others to perceive you . If you do not respect yourself, you can not respect anyone else.

I am not talking about hanging at home, watching TV, working in the yard, cleaning the house, or curled up with a book, but even at home those drop in neighbors or friends should be treated with respect and good manners when they come to call. Of course these days the neighbors knock at the back door wanting to borrow a cup of sugar or a stick of butter either. Those days are also long gone. How do you treat the older gentlemen in the line in front of you at the grocery store or the teller at the bank or the driver of the car in front of you stuck in traffic just as you are? Are you helpful, kind and patient?

One of the first things most children of my generation learned was "please" and "thank you" and next was "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir". Where did this all go? A young lady at our church, who was a school teacher, refused to let her children say these four phrases as she believed they reflected a subservient attitude. She explained that she did not want her children to feel inferior or subservient to anyone. Where did that come from? If I had not said "ma'am" or "sir" to anyone over 18 I would not have been able to talk for a week. How many of you have had your mouth "popped" for being disrespectful or using dirty words. My Mom's favorite was washing your mouth out with lemon dish soap. It was awful, but it made us think before speaking.

That attitude was definitely not the norm for the day and time, but was it an indication of things to come? It appears so, for now you will just as likely get told to "f*** off" when walking down the street rather than a pleasant "good morning." Do people not care how they are perceived? What impression do you leave when you talk to someone, meet them on the sidewalk, pass or meet them in a car, or answer the phone? Many of our responses to people are in self defense, but is that a reason to be rude or hateful? Maybe, just maybe, if the person meeting you with "what the f*** are you looking at" were to receive a kind response it would change their attitude. We can make a difference. We do not have to reinforce negative behavior.

While shopping last week there were several of us trying to enter the door of a local retail store at the same time. A young man reached and opened the door allowing his friend to enter, then stood patiently as myself and another elderly couple entered behind me. His friend waiting patiently just inside the door was almost knocked off her feet when another young man pushed past the elderly couple, stepped on my toes and rushed into the store. The difference in the attitude of these two young men was miles apart - one a true gentleman, the other a self centered and rude young man.

And you know what, you don't have to be rich or beautiful to have good manners. When you encounter someone, if only for a minute, you can make a lasting impression all based on the words that come out of your mouth and your actions toward another person. Do you leave a positive image?

The saying, "Smile and the world smiles with you", really works. Try it - I have and most of the time I get a smile back. But an even bigger treat is when I meet someone on the street and they smile first - I have to smile back, it just can't be helped.